Dear Pastor: Silence and Solitude Are Self-Care Practices That Can Save You From Burnout
Dear Pastor,
I became concerned for you when I heard about your congregation’s situation. Working with people is hard, and when people abruptly turn right against what you thought the flow of traffic was, it can be even harder. You’re dealing with a situation that will require careful navigation and an investment of time, emotional capital, and spiritual energy. You will have to make this investment even if you feel unprepared to do so.
May I offer some reflections? Not because I’m an expert in this, but because I care about you. Henri Nouwen talks about the pastor as a “wounded healer,” and I offer these reflections out of my own wounds in pastoral ministry.
This experience will test you and you will need to have the spiritual endurance for it. At times, you will have to be the emotional rock for your leadership team and for other members of the congregation. You may not receive this kind of emotional care from others in return.
Because of this, the number one thing you need to do is take time for yourself and your own emotional and spiritual care. This is not selfish in the least. You are at a liminal point where, if you give too much without receiving, you will burnout, possibly become angry and bitter, and be of no pastoral use at all.
May I recommend the spiritual practices of silence, solitude, and prayer? These classic practices have helped many pastors persevere through pastoral turbulence.
Silence, in quieting both tongue and mind, takes speech (and even thought) away from us and lets us rest. We don’t need to talk all the time and we need to resist the temptation to always have a solution. Silence protects us from speaking rashly and from the prideful feeling of always needing to have an answer. Silence gives us a break from speaking. Silence opens us up to be able to listen to God.
Solitude takes us out of our regular environments. Many of us are not used to being alone or being by ourselves. And when we are (while driving or in our offices alone) we fill the void with music, podcasts, or self-talk. Solitude is a deliberate removal of ourselves from these things so we can be alone with God. Solitude often goes hand-in-hand with silence. Because we are alone in solitude, we have the freedom to present ourselves to God as we really are--frustrated, broken, angry, sad--and God lovingly receives us and refreshes us.
Finally, you must focus more on prayer. This is not to say that you don’t; only that you need to find more time for prayer. In prayer, we learn how to attend better to God. In this time, as you increase prayer, may I suggest that you focus on listening practices? Practices such as silence and solitude, meditating on the Bible, or praying written prayers will help you listen more than you talk so that you may receive refreshment from God.
Silence and solitude will help you clear out the “noise” in your life and mind so you can really listen to, and receive from, God in prayer.
May I encourage you to commit to these practices? May I ask you to give them a try this week? Here’s a simple framework you might commit to:
Set aside 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening.
Begin each session by reading a psalm. Pick one phrase or word and dwell on that for a few minutes, offering praise and thanksgiving to God and asking him to apply that word in your life.
Then, spend the remainder of your 20 minutes simply resting with God, in his presence, in silence and solitude.
Increase your time as you become comfortable with these practices.
This should be done in addition to your regular spiritual practice. In times of high stress, the temptation is to focus more on “work” and to “catch up” with time with God later. But the number one thing you need to do right now is focus on your spiritual self care. Spend extra time with God. You will be refreshed and rejuvenated in your pastoral care with others.
Please let me know how I can serve you during this time.
Love First,
Jeremy
P.S. If this was helpful for you and you’d like to go deeper, I’d love to talk with you more. I serve pastors who find themselves in liminal, transitory, and difficult places by creating space for you to talk openly, be listened to closely, and to create a navigation plan for the turbulent waters you find yourself in. If you’d like to explore this, contact me or DM me at Twitter.